Ever since I was age 17, I’d had chronic pain. The doctors said I had “fibromyalgia.” My life had become a tortured existence with sleep difficult to come by. I could only sleep fifteen minutes at a time because it was too painful to hold still for longer than that. Then I’d have to move, stretch and massage my muscles in bed. I was constantly tired and in excruciating pain.
My doctor decided to prescribe a medication that worked on pain so that I could finally sleep. The medication was not used for sleep per se. I started out taking one quarter of a pill. I noticed that even the tiniest amount of these painkillers would cause swelling in my nose and then my breathing would become shallow. My body’s reaction to the medication was scary and uncomfortable for me, but I was willing to do anything to relieve the intense pain.
I went back to the doctor and let him know that I was having an allergic reaction to the medication. He chuckled and said that my body simply needed to “get used to the meds.” He told me that the dose of three pills was so low; it couldn’t possibly cause an allergic reaction.
After a week of agonizing pain and no deep sleep, I gave in and decided to trust the doctor’s professional advice. I went to bed after taking all three pills. Within minutes, I felt myself begin to go numb. Then the inside of my nasal passages swelled up so I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even open my mouth. I was struggling to get air, but no air came. My entire body felt like it was becoming mummified. I couldn’t move of use any of my muscles. I felt suffocated or encased in my own body, like being buried alive, in my body. I couldn’t call out for help, and it only took a couple of minutes before the struggle was over.
I felt like a vacuum cleaner with a strong suction was on the top of my head. I also felt an absolute sense of relief. There was no longer a need to breathe, and no feeling as if I were drugged on the medication. I had no sense of my own body but I felt like I was travelling very quickly.
During my NDE on the other side, people talked telepathically. That means we communicated without actual verbal words. I never heard auditory SOUND, like on earth. People would just look at each other, and even though there were some mouth movements, I would receive the message mind to mind. The messages would come through so quickly, without any effort, from the inside, rather than outside of self. There were very few technically precise words. So, when I quote communications here, I am offering the closest thing to what I understood telepathically.
The next thing I remember is moving through some kind of a portal along with many other beings. It felt like I was in some kind of a waiting room. I was curious and began to watch the others who were coming through the portal. I watched a group of three teenage boys come in. I noticed their abrasive energy. As I was looking at them, it came to me that they had died in a car accident. They had been drinking alcohol.
Another woman came through the portal. She looked like she was in her fifties. She noticed me watching her and took that opportunity to communicate. She was quite the chatterbox. I listened to her for a short while as she told me how proud she was of her body and how well she had taken care of herself in her life.
She went on about how good she looked and then she tried to show me her body. I noticed that she had an odd-looking hue to her skin, as if she’d either been going to tanning booths or sunning herself too long. Her hair was an artificial-looking bleached-blonde color. I then understood that she had died of skin cancer. She seemed to want to talk about herself a lot and I became bored. So, I went back to watching the people coming through the portal.
Next, there was a young woman who came up to me. She had beautiful, almost greenish eyes, and the loveliest shade of reddish hair. She was around age 19 or 20. She began to tell me about herself. She told me that she had died slowly blacking out with no way to breathe. It was a feeling like she was drowning, and yet, I wasn’t sure she actually had drowned. While she telepathically told me of her death, I actually experienced at a certain level, what she felt. It was as if I was there with her at the time of death.
She started to give me orders, “Tell them this… etc.” “Tell them that, etc.” She was giving me personal information about herself. I had no idea why, but I politely listened. One thing she said was that she wanted me to “Tell them that I loved to sing.” With her beautiful voice, she gave a quick, impromptu singing performance for those immediately around us. I was also awed by how she was free during her performance to actually elevate herself and move through the space around her without touching the ground. It was like watching an underwater dance without the water. I don’t know why I wasn’t more shocked, or why I accepted this so well. I also noticed how at a certain part of her song, her beautiful red hair seemed to grow longer! I thought how interesting that she could choose to have longer hair at will. After her performance, this young woman continued talking. She told me that she had regretted not “hanging in there.” How it “would have been better to stay” and work out her issues and continue learning. But, she wanted me to, “Tell them how free I feel now.”
A lot of others came through. I didn’t feel the people were either good or bad. It felt like a room of normal people, all unique unto themselves. This place was like a room or an area, but did not feel very bright to me. Somehow, I was receiving information that these people were dead, yet I hadn’t fully accepted they were dead because everything felt so real and natural. There was nothing that felt shocking or strange. Everything was so alive!
Then I noticed we had congregated into a much bigger and brighter room or area where there were many, many others present. Everyone was so busy talking and getting to know each other. It felt similar to a scene in a high school cafeteria. People wanted to quickly find others who they were related to or felt at ease with, and there were even little groups that began to form.
After a while, I noticed a Latino man move into the room. I sensed something about him. He felt safe and balanced to me. I knew that I could trust him to tell me what was going on. It still had not occurred to me that I might be dead. As I wondered, “Who are you?” I moved toward him, just by focusing my attention on him.
It wasn’t like walking on earth. He looked at me and I realized he was a “teacher” or a “guide” for this group. He explained that he had been a truck driver who had died in a truck accident. He told me that he was not a perfect man, but that he had mastered “humility.” I could feel truly, that he hadn’t a shred of self-regard or egotistic pride, about him. He explained that he had come to help teach the importance of humility to this group of people. They had been self-absorbed in their lives, to such a degree where this had blocked their own vision and spiritual progression. They hadn’t been able to learn vital lessons and had aborted their own lives, unwittingly for all I knew. He seemed to be telling me that in one way or another, these people had committed suicide.
I was a bit confused by how the term, “suicide” could come to me with these people. This made me wonder, because I hadn’t noticed anyone in the room who had hung themselves, intentionally overdosed on drugs, shot themselves, or things like that. Then, I came to understand that the casual disregard for life, or flagrant and selfish risks that one might take, whether involved in drug use, drunk driving, or any kind of action that could essentially lead to one’s own demise is considered like suicide there.
There is also another type of suicide that is different than risk-taking or flagrant disregard of the body. There are other situations when a human takes their own life in desperation, due to emotional or mental imbalances, physical agony, or severe depression. Another example is when a very old person gets so tired of hanging on to their earthly life, that they will themselves to go by simply not eating or breathing. These choices are not punished on the Other Side. (I never witnessed punishment or condemnation FOR ANYTHING). It is considered that the human is willing himself or herself out of this life cycle.
The teacher continued to offer more information. These people would have a rest period. He explained how he needed to teach this group of people how vital it is to lose their obsession or fixation with themselves. That they will become stagnant in all spiritual progress if they cannot unchain themselves from their own ankles.
He said there are lessons these people chose to learn. He explained how by aborting their own lives, learning what they needed to learn would be more difficult. I came to understand that as much as they were taught and infused with good and helpful information there, it is one thing to learn theory; it is another to understand the lesson by practicing it. Even if these people agreed wholeheartedly with what was being taught, or what they needed to learn, learning on earth is easier than learning here. He explained that learning their lessons here without a body is like learning to get over an addiction to drugs with no opportunity to do the drugs, or like learning to love one’s own enemy without having enemies to deal with.
He had to teach them the importance of humility. And yet, he shook his head, smiling slightly, and implied that there was still very little he could help them with, without their bodies. His service was to help instill more of a passion for what he had to teach. A passion that is strong enough that it would leave a seed of Light that might stay with them through their sojourn.
When this particular teacher was transmitting information to me, I felt a jolt of sudden anxiety and I queried, “What are these people?” He came in more clearly, stating telepathically, “They are deceased. They have died.” I remember demanding point blank, “If these people are dead, what am I?” I don’t know why it took me so long to grasp the fact of this reality. But then again, time wasn’t as it is here, so I am not sure it was “long”. He explained gently, “You are in between. You are as if in a coma. There will still be life in you. You are not the same.”
With that, I started upward. I wanted out of there. As I moved toward the corner of the room to leave, at least a couple of the teenage boys suddenly lunged at me with an energy like, “She’s alive. Touch her!” They were reaching toward me and trying to pull me back toward them. It seemed almost as if they desired sexual contact or energy. This, of course, made me even more determined to leave.
I am not sure if the following took place before, after, or simultaneously with what I just shared. For the sake of some level of written chronology, I express as, “next”, “after” or, “then”. It could be in that order, but know that I am often tempted to say that it was “all at once.”
I then began to move more quickly upward, and I felt that I was safe and comfortable. I was enveloped in Love. There was someone tending to me, and I seemed to be at absolute peace with this Guide. There was so much light coming from his face. Even so, I felt a very maternal sense - it was as if he were like a mother to me. So, I hesitate to label him with a gender. I will refer to this Guide as male, to make things easier for writing purposes.
My vibration was changing. I could feel a big change in frequency, as if I was tuning into a different radio station on a universal grand scale. I was out in the Universe, and I was given a show. It was like having an astronomy teacher speak on the beauty of the Universe while lying under the stars at night. I was out there amidst the stars rather than under them. I remember that during this scene, I saw something like holographic words and numbers move in front of me and past the stars.
It felt like I was downloading information. It was more about receiving information, than visuals and literal details that I can put into clear words. I felt at that time that I understood EVERYTHING. I felt the full truth of Laws and Order in the Universe. One thing that I really remember vividly was the beautiful math of the Universe. I remember understanding that there was a supreme and perfect kind of math that was in and of ALL things. I remember being told something about Einstein! I was so excited. It was such a pleasant experience.
I was also shown how there is a kind of clock-work in the sky. How the stars themselves actually hold a sort of map or mathematical Key to everything that is! “You are written in the stars,” I was told! EVERYTHING is! I recall how thrilling this part of my NDE was for me. I wish I had better articulation to describe how wondrous this part was. I was also told that this map in the stars, or the keys that are hidden there, have been known for a long time by many.
These things have been sorely corrupted and turned into things of ill or trivial purpose in most cases on our planet, BUT THAT ALL MATTERS SUCH AS THESE SHOULD RETURN TO A MORE SPIRITUAL NATURE.
During my NDE, I came to understand that most of us have lived many times before, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our lives that feel so very long are infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. I learned that nothing at all sits in accident or chaos; that every single aspect of our lives is ruled by natural Laws that we placed OURSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds.
I was shown how one can never assume that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of “evil” deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each Being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief… the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather the Truth that I’d yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! There IS sense and beauty all around. No one is just free-falling as it had seemed before!
God doesn’t just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests such as rewards and punishments doled out upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those universal Laws. On earth, I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for 30 consecutive years. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. And I remember radiating with gratitude.
I was then brought before what appeared to be a living picture of our planet. While I was looking at it, I saw a word above it. I believe it was “NOVATA”. It looked to be one eye opening up. Then the whole planet seemed to open up, like an eyelid that slowly awakens to dawn. There was a lovely, soft woman’s voice that spoke the days of the week in a different language, and then said, “Prepare for the Seventh Day.” At this, I saw the curious visual of a piano. There was something about music and octaves.
The next thing I remember is traveling quickly over the Earth. It felt very surreal, like I was being shown a movie, and yet the movie seemed alive. It was like an amusement park ride, flying over a panoramic film of a live scene on earth. There were fields of crops all over the earth. As I would zoom in and get closer to the earth, for instance to a field of wheat, I would be told, “This has been poisoned. The food has been altered and poisoned. It is no longer pure. The people are consuming impure food. This is death.” I felt sad and concerned about this and wondered why or how it was possible. How could a field of wheat or corn be “poisoned”, and WHY?! I was told that man should return to the Earth or death would ensue everywhere. It was said repeatedly during this scene to “Return to the Earth.” I was told that upon my return, that I should look for pure food, unadulterated food, and only consume that which is “clean.” I dismissed this somewhat, because I had no intention of returning to earth.
Again, it is difficult for me to place any of this in chronological order, as time felt so different there. It was almost as if many things happened at once, and yet, separately.
My Guide lovingly stayed as my support while I had a kind of life review. I never felt chastised at all, even though I know I’ve been very cruel at times and have hurt many people. I’ve lost my temper in horrible ways because I had one of the hottest tempers I know of. I have had great trouble with the concept of forgiveness, and yet, I felt only Love and understanding through the entire life review. It felt like I was being given the opportunity and Gift of being able to stand back and more fully understand and love myself. I was able to feel exactly what others around me had felt during my life. I understood how everything I did, said, and thought, had touched others around me in one way or another. I was able to enter the minds and emotional centers of many who had been around me, and understand where they were coming from in their own thinking. I could see how their own personal views and life experiences had shaped their lives. I felt their struggling and their fears, their own desperate need for love and approval, their confusion, and more than anything, I could feel how child-like everyone was. With every person I viewed, including myself, I was able to See and Feel with a Higher Mind and Eye. And the feeling I had toward everyone was nothing less than what a loving mother would feel for her own children at toddler age.
Moments were actually comical. There are beings who are Helpers on the Other Side who have Mastered themselves in many or all ways, and help work with us. I call them the “Elders.” They see us and lovingly find so much humor in the way we do things. It might seem brutally annoying to consider when we are in the midst of a great argument or drama that is playing out in our lives that the Elders view these things very much like when a mother sees her two-year-old scream, cry, and bop another child on the head with a stuffed animal. The mother doesn’t want her child to fall apart, become hysterical and cry. She feels for her child, but at the same time, she sees a little bit of comedy in how seriously the child takes what is usually a trivial drama. She continues to love her child and thinks the world of it, hoping it will go on enjoying the day, living and learning.
This was a big light bulb moment for me, because I had entertained the dark idea, during my life, that every little less than perfect action of mine, was being “watched by God,” and judged with anger or sadness. I felt constant guilt for my mistakes and belabored over the dread of “being watched” with severe or stern eyes. I felt that I was a disappointment to God. I wanted to please him, but I believed that I was so often falling short. I was frustrated and angry at my human faults. But here, no one was mad at me. I got the chance to view others from a much higher frequency which was wonderful. Also knowing how much Love I felt as I watched or sensed others in their personal situations, made me want to live more in the spirit of joy rather than guilt and worry.
I felt the higher part of me, which I call the SOUL, had compassion for the earthly ME that was so ignorant and juvenile. My soul seemed to understand in every detail what I was working with on earth. My soul wanted my earthly self to awaken, and be filled with Love and Joy. I wanted my earthly, child-like self to be kinder, to be more conscious, and to find Peace and balance.
I did not have an experience of seeing God as an “old man in a big white robe, sitting on a throne,” although, that was the most prominent image I held in my mind from my earthly existence. From my NDE, God was the Mind, or maybe I’d say, “The Order” in all things. God was the Supreme Highest Vibration and Frequency. God felt like more of an ESSENCE than an old man, to me. God is ineffable; He was all around and in everything. Even using the name, “God” for what I experienced seems unfitting. God is so much more than what can be imagined through naming. And God no longer felt male to me. I didn’t sense a gender, if there was one. The idea of gender seemed silly from the Other Side. God was all that is beautiful and peaceful and One, and all that is Good.
I’d also wondered at religion while I was there, and I quickly received the knowing that this wasn’t important in the way I imagined it was prior to my NDE. I understood that one’s religion, no matter which Church they joined or didn’t join on earth, was what was written in their own heart. It was about WHO the person was, not what label they wore. It didn’t matter on the other side who or what they worshipped or what religion they believed in.
What matters is your own frequency, tone, and mathematical equation that represents YOU. You are who you are. I learned that we are here to learn how to divinely Love; to become masters of ourselves. We learn to rule our own lower or denser, aspects of self and to transmute these aspects upward to our highest possibility. We are all working toward Oneness again, as I concluded in part, from the experience.
While with my Guide, I was shown many planets and also some moons. I saw one planet or moon that appeared to be partially submerged in water! There are no words for how beautiful these scenes were. The colors were so vibrant and rich. I especially loved the hue of blues that I saw.
Were these colors what we see on earth? Yes and no. These colors exist, superimposed over what we see on earth. It is like there is a film or layers over the colors we see on earth, so we don’t see them as vibrant and colorful as we do on the other side.
Finally, the planet Earth pulled up in front of me, or maybe we pulled up in front of it! It was magnificent!!! It was a floating marble, just swimming with color. I was ecstatic with awe.
I was able to move around the planet and feel different continents, countries, races, even certain smaller states, cities, and people! Each held its own kind of personal vibration and energetic pattern.
This was fascinating to me! Each race, each country, even a state, each family in a way, is like its own organism. All are connected, but with an influence of its very own and very important unique purposes. Each is sacred and vital.
As I peered out over the planet, my Guide, told me to go back to where I came from. He wanted me to return to earth. He assured me that he would be there, waiting. At this, I turned to him and felt something I cannot put into mere words.
When I received his intention that I should return, it seemed as if he were my own perfect mother, who was going to turn and leave the toddler “me” in the middle of a foreign country. I felt like he was going to abandon me. It was so unexpected and seemed like something wrenched inside of me and instantly tore myself in half.
I actually felt myself collapsing as I heaved and fell forward.
The emotional pain was so deep that I could hardly even cry out. It was as if the cry imploded within me and I felt like I was fracturing, leaving shards of glass all about a floor. I moaned while my emotional self poured out of me. It was like a cloud so heavy with rain it could no longer hold its moisture that was gushing downward like a waterfall. I wailed from a place inside of myself that I’ve never felt before. If there could be such a thing as spirit body existing with cells and organs, then they would all be bursting with anguish. Every part of me cried out. Telepathically, all I could express was, “NOOO!!!!!!”
I can’t ever go through this part of my NDE without tears and a stinging pain in my chest. To leave him was the worst imaginable possibility. It felt like death, separation, and division from my one and only. The devastation I felt was unbearable. Even when I remember parting from my Guide, it still feels like my heart is being scorched.
My Guide came closer to me while he calmly encouraged me to be strong. He told me to look to my left. As I did, I saw a school bus pull up in the distance. A small child was escorted out and brought to me. I recognized her as my own daughter, who at the time was only four years old. She had been asked in her sleep to come in spirit to help me. She walked up to me, tugged at me a little and sweetly said in an encouraging voice, “But Mommy? Who will take care of us?” Love on the other side is so much bigger, so much fuller than it is on earth. On the other side, I felt more honest with Love. When I was connected to the Source that was how I felt it and what I was connected to. I could not turn others away who are in need. There was no way I could have turned down my own daughter’s plea. Without hesitation, I answered, “Oh honey, I will, of course!” My daughter was then escorted back to the bus.
My Guide smiled knowingly and reminded me that he was not forcing me to go back, despite what it felt like to me. I looked at him and back at the planet Earth, feeling so frightened. I still did not want to depart and separate from him. The pain of division still seared through me. I cried and told him that I wasn’t sure I could do it.
He said, “Look to your right.” I looked to my right and saw a holographic figure. It was my own mother. It was a view of her in the future, and she seemed tired and in need of help. I will not go into detail here, because I want to respect her privacy, but I felt myself lean toward this futuristic hologram with the desire to touch or help my mother somehow now, even though it wasn’t presently occurring. The hologram felt alive to me. It seemed that as I leaned toward her, that I was a Gardener who wanted to prune some foliage.
The hologram faded out and my Guide said, “You see? It is time. YOU want to go.” I knew I needed to, but still, I hesitated while anticipating my departure and loss of this One. I cried out, sobbing, “Please! I can’t go without you!” There was a pause and then he answered, “Very well.” All at once, I felt we were together.
We were one. I was safe and calm. I heard him nudge me, “Point your finger forward. Touch the planet.”
This might seem strange, but I reached and saw in form, my own finger reach forward and enter into the energetic field of the planet. I felt a surge of electricity run from the tip of my finger that began to move up. As the electricity hit the first knuckle, there was an unbelievable pulling sensation. Like a roller coaster ride that whipped me forward. Then I was back in my dark room at home still feeling disconnected from my body. My husband must have come to bed. He was there now, sleeping deeply. I could see both, him and myself. I moved toward my body and tried to connect and awaken it. I could not. I could not feel any sensation of my body at all. Then, I began to panic. I urgently pressed my husband to wake up, calling out to him, but my voice was not there. I continued trying to move my body from the inside and with no feeling of breath or life. I mentally screamed for help.
Then I felt my Guide there. I felt him say, “You must push yourself again and again through the throat area. This will trigger a release of energy and he will hear you. You must get him to touch you in order to connect with your body.” I could not understand why this would work, but I began to rush through my throat area, over and over. Then I heard a noise come out of the mouth, as the mouth dropped open. It was like a creaking door, slowly opening or a low frog-like groan that was just air moving out.
My husband heard this, woke up, and asked, “Amy? What is it? What’s the matter?” I couldn’t answer. I tried to scream or cry out to him, but could not. He leaned over and I saw him shake me. I felt through his hands a level of electricity move through me. But I was unable to connect to my body or move. He got up and turned a light on. My eyes were still shut, but I witnessed the look on his face.
He suddenly went very pale and his mouth dropped open. Beads of sweat formed instantly around his hairline; he was perspiring heavily. I’d never seen such a frightened look on his face before. He grabbed me and yanked my body upward toward him, trying to hold me up, shouting, “AMY!! AMY, AMY!!!” Again and again, he yelled. He was trying to check my pulse. My head dropped back and he pulled my eyelids open. He was nearly screaming my name. As he continued to shake my body, I felt more and more electricity moving all around my body. Then, I felt something like a POP, and I was back in my body. I sucked in a long, deep breath and just hung there limply, breathing in and out. I took deep breaths.
After a few minutes, my husband was asking, “What should I do? Should I call 911?” I answered firmly, “No. I’m fine. Don’t call anyone. I just need to sit down for a minute.” I knew without a doubt that I was fine. He helped me to the other room where I sat on the couch. I tried to tell him what had happened. I didn’t know where to begin.
It took me months to tell him all that I could remember. I still can’t write it all here, because just the basics of all that I came to understand would take me weeks to write. I also continued to have visions, incredible dreams, and more experiences that included personal teachings and other very sacred happenings.
Here are some of the insights I learned from the other side. I understand now, that I have been through part of the integration process that usually takes 7 years for most NDErs to go through. I had the NDE when I was age 30 and shared it with NDERF at age 37. There are several things that have taken a while to find the words to explain the experience. Other things like emotions, I will never be able to fully describe because there is nothing like it on earth.
There are other things that I knew and have not been allowed to remember. I suspect that if I had remembered those things that it might have interfered with my lessons on earth. For instance, if I knew my Guide’s name while with him, then it was taken from me upon return to my body. I wouldn’t be shocked to discover that much memory was pulled from me in regard to personal details of my Guide, because even what memories I do have are painful for me and have made me crave to return to the other side. I do sense some parts of my NDE have been veiled to an extent.
I felt perfectly fine once I’d come back fully into my body. I refused any medical check-up. I was confident and at peace. My health has returned. I get stronger and stronger each year. The fibromyalgia did not instantly leave after my NDE. It was more of a process, such as eat the right healthy foods and by changing the way I thought into more positive, harmonious, and loving thoughts.
To my own surprise, I found the day after this event that I felt well enough, except that I could not eat any meat at all. Nor did I have any desire to. I’ve been a vegetarian since my NDE and I eat a lot of raw organic foods. I don’t eat anything with chemical ingredients, and as advised during my NDE, for the most part I keep my food very pure. My children and husband eat mostly this way too. We are all feeling great.
On the other side, everything DID feel so good to me. I came back with this Knowing that despite what SEEMED “good” or “bad” on earth, now became united as only, “Good.” I now trusted and knew that everything was in its rightful place.
Even when people made decisions that I didn’t agree with, I still felt that in the overall picture, it was ALL within the “Good.” I had that Knowing that there was the essence or spark of the Highest or “God” in EVERYTHING. The Highest was in every atom, mineral, vegetable, animal, human, and beyond. I just Knew that the Highest waited within everything to expand, create, grow, and experience life. God is supreme Intelligence. And so much more.
I had never realized that my critical thinking and judgment of others was a source of all-encompassing misery for my soul. I call this my “duality” way of thinking because on earth there are always opposites in which to compare my earthly experiences to.
For instance, I could judge someone on a scale of good, bad, or somewhere in between. If someone had walked up to me before my NDE and had asked me if my duality way of thinking was tiring and miserable for me, I would have been utterly confused and unable to agree with the statement or even make sense of it. I had never been aware of how my mind had always tried to label or judge everything in one way or another. Even good comparisons like “She’s the nicest…” or “He’s the best guy!” or “That backyard is the prettiest one, etc.” was me judging one thing as better than another. Since coming back from my NDE, I find that in my earthly body and mind, this tendency still comes up occasionally, but not as often. I am much more conscious of when I am doing it. The duality of judging makes me feel physically sick. I don’t feel such a need to do this now.
I lost all desire to analyze so much in life, as I’d learned before through religious examples and likely my own nature. I stopped trying to judge everything little thing for whether it was “good” or “bad.” I wasn’t so concerned with the label. I didn’t want to frame anything into my perceptions. I now believe that we are all part of the Highest “consciousness” experiencing life. We learn how to love, create, and develop to the Highest we can be.
Looking back at that part of my experience, I was astounded by how earthly people can be on the Other Side. One might expect that upon entering through death’s door, there would be sudden enlightenment. I know I expected that everyone would realize absolute goodness and choose the Light while looking for a fresh start. I expected people to become angelic and purified. But on the other side, everyone came in exactly as they’d been before. After my NDE, I now believe that some of the deceased, if not all, still have many earthly or worldly desires they had before they died.
I was able to explore the mind or energetic pattern of one of my earthly sworn enemies; someone I couldn’t imagine forgiving for what I’d witnessed. Yet, coming back from my NDE, I could feel nothing less than a flood of Love for this woman. I wrote her a letter and told her how much I loved her. I asked for forgiveness for the energetic weight I might have held over her from my own dark thoughts and anger. I was writing as if she could have been my own firstborn; that is how much I adored her at that time.
Because I was able to feel the Divine Love for her that the Essence of who God is, and how God feels toward her, I too, couldn’t help but Love her in a similar way. The Higher Love of God moved through me. It was such a surprisingly marvelous feeling to relinquish the burden of my own anger and judgments, even that which I had subconsciously carried over the years. The release was so liberating!
In my earthly life, I have always had a mental block when it came to math. Even the simplest math ideas, starting from the time I was only six years old were difficult for me. I would mentally shut down when anything with numbers was presented to me. In my NDE, I was shown such an enormous array of gorgeous mathematical equations and visual numerical splendor. During that time, I was overjoyed at my own ability to thoroughly comprehend all of it. Unfortunately, upon my return, I was discouraged to find that I could not relay or bring with me the expansive amount of math understanding and knowledge I’d been so anxious to share with others. After the NDE, I am in love with numbers. That was at least a leap forward!
I found I was less materialistic since my NDE. Within the first week after my NDE, I was cleaning out my house and wanted to get rid of many things, a lot of decor, music CDs that I didn’t find in harmony with the vibration I desired, etc. I lost my desire to want to shop as much as I had, previously.
I also had some paranormal “afterglow” experiences. I had a good couple of weeks after my return where I could see light in and around everything. I could also see into the realm that is around ours. I could see and feel the vibration of everything around me.
All of my senses were much stronger. Too strong, even.
For instance, within a couple of days of coming back from my NDE, I stumbled upon a woman who was being consoled by many others. When everyone had dispersed, I asked her what was the matter, and she told me that she’d just found out that her daughter had died. She didn’t know why or how she’d died. I asked to see a picture of her daughter, having the strong intuitive sense that I’d met her daughter on the Other Side.
The next day, she met me at my house. She had a black and white picture of her daughter, but I recognized her, right away. I said, “Did she have a pretty reddish color to her hair, and the most unusual green eyes?” She answered, “Yes, she did.” I told her about my NDE; how her daughter spoke to me, and asked me to give information to her family. I told her all that I could remember her daughter telling me, and it all made perfect sense to the mother. She told me that shortly before her daughter’s death she and her daughter had been estranged. Her daughter had begun to sing and had passionately loved singing. There was private information I was able to offer that gave this woman much comfort. I told her of her daughter’s regrets in not having learned more while here on earth. We learned a week later or so, through the coroner, how she’d died. This confirmed for me, what the young woman on the Other Side had said to me about her drowning sensation and ultimately her death.
I did find that many of these paranormal experiences were interesting and enlightening. On the other hand, some of it was a little scary and disturbing. After some time, I willed this extra Sight to step back and let me get back to the basics, so to speak.
And things did return to almost normal.
My spiritual practices are different. I am forever grateful for my Life Review and what I took from it. It is one of my favorite memories – and very different than what I believed it would be on earth. All of my earthly life, I had felt confusion and dismay at what I believed was lack of order. When I saw suffering that I deemed, unnecessary, sadness, or anything that I couldn’t make sense of, I’d been riddled with a painful impression of Chaos. I was flabbergasted that the God I so fervently believed in, and was taught to trust, could do no better than what I beheld in my everyday life. It tore at my soul and I prayed daily and sometimes for hours and hours, begging for an answer that could provide some kind of reckoning for my confusion.
I’d been taught that we had ONE life to live; I’d never even considered reincarnation. I couldn’t understand why some people get to live in the most incredible luxury, and others are tested because God gave them terrible miseries to prove their strength. I had a hard time reconciling why people, like small innocent children all over the world, are born to suffer through starvation, disease, rape, mutilation, even years and years of torture, only to die and then get their just reward in heaven. This didn’t seem like much of a “test” to me. It just seemed insane. I couldn’t make logic of it. When I begged religious leaders for answers, I was told that “sometimes God let’s wicked people torture good people so that He can punish the wicked for their deeds.” The whole system just seemed sick to me. I couldn’t completely respect this notion. But I wanted to believe that God had to be good.
Now, this Knowing from the NDE has helped me reconcile my earthly beliefs with what I experienced in my NDE. God, the Highest is pure love and goodness. I know to choose what feels right for me and to trust more than before. When something felt unjust or imbalanced, I Know to choose the action that would bring the most harmony, but to not worry about that which I had no control over. I know that eventually, even without our taking over the controls, the Universe is so full of order; it always finds a way to balance everything, because the Universe cannot exist without perfect balance. And the Highest and the Universe will continue to exist.
I could no longer continue with the religion I grew up in. This was not easy for me to walk away from, but I couldn’t stay and maintain my own personal Truth and integrity. And yet, I have gratitude for having grown up in that religion and trust that it served its purpose for me. I am also at peace with the religious choices and needs of others.
I have continued to have the ability to reach, to a certain extent, my Guide. I began, right away to meditate, and connect with my Guide. My prayers became opportunities to connect, feel and receive rather than plead, worry and ask forgiveness. When I pray for others it is different. I am still while trying to connect to the Highest and then just calmly and peacefully try to offer a vision of the intended in Love and blessings, trusting in the Highest Will.
I still try to emulate Jesus, who has always been my example of how to live. But now I was less concerned with the technicalities of His story. I didn’t care whether certain details were facts or not. I didn’t care whether he was real or a myth.
I knew it didn’t matter because it was the principal of the teachings that mattered to me, now. I embraced the core teaching that was intended to be His Gift - “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” From my NDE, I’d also understood other things about the original, uncorrupted “Christ Way.” I’ve tried to hold to what I understand as concepts that held more original purity, which felt so much simpler to me.
I opened my reverence and respect to everyone who practiced the Golden Rule by doing good unto others. I found Good (God) in many places and within the teachings of many religions and ways of thought. Even within atheism, if a man believed in this principle, I could recognize the ‘God’ in him.
I have had many wondrous things happen in my life since the NDE. It would be too much to share here, but it’s been the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. I still struggle with my own worldly and personal issues even though I feel more awakened and conscious.
I feel that every aspect of my NDE was a way for me to help me learn my earthly lessons. For instance: I had been pulled into that specific portal with others who had brought themselves to their own demise. This part of my NDE was to show me that for so many years I had been taking strong medications for my health problems that were slowly killing me. I had seen myself as a helpless victim for so long. In my pain and sorrows, I became totally self-absorbed and stagnant in all personal progress. I learned from seeing the others who had come through the portal, that I had to let go of myself and give up my personal story of being a victim. I gave up all the labels that doctors had given me for my health problems, and let go of the story of who I thought I was. I worked toward humility and try to open myself up to learning and growth. I took full responsibility for my own suffering and continue striving to blame no one or no thing. I continually try to bring back what I remember as the Perfect Love I experienced on the Other Side and become One with it.
Because of the very intimate relationship I have had with suffering, confusion and fear throughout my own life, my hope in finally allowing my near death experience to pay it forward. I share it with others for whatever possible service it might be to others who can relate on any level with pain; be it on the physical, emotional mental or spiritual plane.
I wouldn’t want this kind of sharing held from me decades ago when I could have taken in some hope through something like this, so although with some admitted trepidation, I relinquish with Love.
Amy C. is an extract from God’s Fingerprints: Impressions of Near Death Experiences by Jody Long which is published by White Crow Books.
Publisher: White Crow Books
Published April 2014
Size: 229 x 152 mm